The battle within

The fight within ourselves is the hardest fight to win.We know what it is that we want and know exactly what we have to do to get there. The only problem is that there is always something else there that we want as well even though we know it's not the best thing for us but as much as we try to push it away it always comes back. It's hard hard to control it and it eats you up inside to where it hurts in a sense maybe thats an exaggeration but it's just how i feel. The goal that we are striving for as sooo important to us and we have been looking forward to this opportunity almost are whole lives and would not want anything to get in the way of it or stop it from happening. But then that other half that comes out somehow and we act in a way that is not us at all and it takes over and turns us into somebody we don't like and someone we don't want to become but in the moment you really could care less because your fulfilling that other half and you keep the other team in the fight until you finally have to step up your game and win the righteous war within us that we fight everyday and stay true to ourselves and realize what really matters.

whats been going on in my head

So basically it's been forever since i have written anything on here and a lot as happened since then. I don't even know where to start to tell u the truth. It's been a roller coaster to say the least. October and September were basically me trying to meet people and keep a positive attitude with work and with what was going on at home. Then in September finding out that my cousin Nicole was pregnant was a big shock for everyone. Also at the time I was helping Jon and Nicole coach Jon's daughters soccer team which I really didn't have a clue about soccer but as time went on i figured it out. It was a lot of fun and it made me want to coach when i am older with wrestling or something. As the next month went on things really weren't improving and it seemed like things were getting worse but it really helped me become closer to Jesus Christ and praying a lot. Now living with Nicole and Jon has taught me so so so much life experience and I have would not trade it for anything and we have all been through a lot. Especially living with a pregnant woman lol. But Nicole has actually been really good through her pregnancy even though Jon and I give her a lot of crap sometimes but it's all out of love :) So when i am married and my wife is pregnant i will be ready!!! sorry i am kind of all over the place with my topics but there is just a lot to update. So now with the girls cuz what teenage boy doesn't have girl issues right? So when i first moved to Oren there was this girl i liked and she kinda liked me back but she told me she was waiting for a missionary to come back but we could still hang out and see what happens between us but she was actually the first girl i tried to kiss but i got rejected but it's all good i ended up kissing another girl a few weeks later lol but ya. So her missionary came home and they tried to make things work but it didn't happen so i was happy about that but then i realized that my feelings for her were gone but we are still really good friends and cuddle buddies every once in a while lol but she is a really cool girl. Besides her I have not really pursued any girls i just meet a lot of them and try to hangout with them but i have gotten tired lately of making an effort to hangout with girls cuz i just get sick of the excuses and it just makes me mad. But who am i kidding I'm a pre mish so not many girls really want to get involved with me anyways but that's probable a blessing i guess. It has been hard to save for a mission and have a social life as well has help out Jon and Nicole with some things here and there but I have done the best that i have been able to do with the circumstances that I have been dealt. I know that if we do our part and make an effort and have some faith then things will work out as much as it sucks while dealing with it. Like right now for me since I just lost my job and was making good money and things were going pretty well for me as well with Jon and Nicole since Jon has a few jobs and things were looking up and then i walked into work last Friday and basically are company died in a sense but there is a chance that things could rebound but things are not looking good. So right now I'm trying to find a job. I guess things were going to good for me so something bad had to happen to me eventually. But an upside to things of late is that I started on my mission papers this past week and I am not entirely sure when i am going to put them in i was thinking the middle of march but to tell you the truth i am not really sure at this point. I am a little stressed right now with being able to pay for everything and who to ask for help with my mission and buying the right suits and all because some people are kind of all over me about that but o well I'm just trying to laugh about it because that's all i can do at this point and keep my head up with everything else that's going on.

Friends

so when I first moved to orem I ad to start over again and with friends and everything. and go to a new ward. I was kinda scared and not sure how things were going to work out because I have never been that great at making friends and was unsure how things would work out. so the first week I got here I went to a singles ward with this girl who was like 26 and she lives a few town houses down from where I live. SO i went with her and I felt very awakward because I am only 18 and most of the peole there were like 24+ and i just felt out of place. then the next week I went to a different ward and i met a few girls and they were really nice and let me sit with them and I was really happy and felt a good vibe from everybody and then I went to a waffle party and met this realy cool girl stepheney and now we are basically best friends and I can go to her about anything and it;s great and then i met her step sister ronda who is an amazing girl and we have bolth lost our fathers and as well as stephiney lost her mom but these two girls have been so amazzing to me and have kept me going and been such good examples to me and have helped me in ways they don't know. And with moving here and meeting so many new people I finlly realized that nothing was wrong with me, because for so long I always asked myself what was wrong with me and why did'nt I have any friends in washington and in high school. I would allways hear everybody get asked " hey what are you doin this weekend" and no one would ever ask me and it hurt and so many friday nights I would sit at home and ask myself that question and wonder why I did'nt have any really good friends. then after moving here i realized that I was just fine and that they were the ones with the problem. so i guess im just grateful for how things have worked out so far.

LIFE

It's interesting how things in life never turn out the way you expect them to? it's interesting because you see your life and you plan something out the way you think things will happen and then the world stops and turns a whole 360 degrees and turns upside down and you feel like you have no control of anything. It's as if the world wants you to change your course of life and so everything that you are just getting comfortable with explodes in your face. And it all starts with one little thing that just leads to the next thing and before you know it you have to start all over again lost and confused about everything. there are so many times in life when we do not understand why things happen the way they do but as I have learned first hand experiences that have really changed me for the better and have helped me grow as a person and helped me understand that challenges come our way to help us grow as people and mature so when later on in life we will be able to deal with whatever may come our way and stay a float and keep our head above water when it feels like we are drowning and we can remember that we got through the rough waters before so you will be able to get through them again.